Its Been A While...I"m Sorry

This episode is straight from the heart. I'm sorry for anyone who has been waiting for me to put out an episode. This will explain everything, and hopefully we can move forward, grow, and prosper. I hope this finds my listeners well. I appreciate all the support. This is my dream and I need to treat it as such. Thank You and enjoy the episode!

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:15

What's going on, everybody? Uh, this podcast is not gonna be about anything nerd vibes related in terms of anime or comic books. Uh, this is just gonna be an update about where I've been, where we're going, and what we're gonna keep doing. Um, so I'm just gonna talk, if you guys will just allow me to talk and uh let you know where I've been since I haven't uploaded an episode in almost a year. So, first to start off, I want to apologize to anyone who has subscribed, listened to my podcast, and has been eagerly waiting for another episode to drop. Um, I'm sorry I let you down. I'm sorry I let uh everybody else, everybody down who's been um listening and stuff. I know it's not that many of you right now, but uh I did let some people down. I appreciate you guys being here and uh listening to the episode. So that's first off. I want to say um I let myself down by uh not continuing to record and continue to keep going in this process. Um there's a couple reasons for that, and we're gonna get into that. Um I also want to say that uh it has been difficult to sit down and record this episode because there's a lot of shame, there's a lot of embarrassment, um, and there's a lot of uh emotions that go into what this episode is gonna be. So if you guys just let me talk and let me get some get some stuff out, then we'll be able to go forward with the regular scheduled content. Uh so first off, I want to say my last episode was November of 2024. Um, and that was the last episode I did before uh pretty much shit hit the fan in my life. Um everybody's okay, I'm okay, my wife's okay, my cat's okay, we're all good. Um but I recorded that episode not knowing what was gonna happen next. So I'm gonna, you know, keep it short on this kind of stuff uh because I don't want to put anybody out, and I'm not gonna name any names or anything like that. But um essentially the place I was living at uh became no longer a livable situation, and I was forced to quickly find a way to move and uh get everything together, and basically you had to pick up my life very quickly. So um at my old place, I had my own space where I could record, where I could stream, where I could do all the things that I was doing. And um, like I said, everything got uprooted and changed very quickly. So uh I ended up having to move in with my mother-in-law for a time. And then um, you know, so during that time, obviously I wasn't able to record because I didn't have a space, I didn't have my own space, let alone any time to myself to get in here and actually record a quality episode for you guys. So that was up until about May. So from about December to May, I was uh living with my mother-in-law, my wife, and stuff while we were figuring out what we were gonna do. Because, like I said, everything happened so quickly to where we didn't necessarily have a chance to make proper arrangements to where we would miss a beat. Um that time was very tumultuous, living with my mother-in-law. Um, not a lot of privacy. We were all cramped. Uh, you know, a lot of things happened to where it was um there's a lot of tension between me and my wife for a while because you know, we were used to a certain lifestyle, we weren't getting that. Um, you know, between me and my mother-in-law, because, you know, again, I was used to a certain lifestyle and I wasn't getting that, so I was very frustrated. Uh, you know, but on the bright side, everything worked out. You know, we we moved in May to our dream apartment at the time. You know, it's an apartment that we have been looking at for a while. Um, it has all the makings of everything that we wanted. I got my office, which is why I'm now recording here. Um, you know, I have a it's it's it's nice. It's a it's I have an office that I share with my wife now. We have uh a nice one-bedroom apartment. It's uh it's it's perfect for what we were looking for. Um but that was in May. And here we are in October, five months after I've moved, um, recording the first episode of Nerd Vibes since last year. Uh, but you know, moving takes a long time. We're still setting up the the office. I still have things that I need to put up. I have some of my art up, but I don't have any of my Funkos up. I don't have um like a lot of the personal touches for the house, you know what I'm saying? So um it's been a process. Um, but those are the tangible things on why I haven't recorded. But ever since moving from May up until right now, uh, I don't really have any excuses or reasons other than the fact that I just let myself down. You know, uh I was scared to kind of start back up again. I was um frustrated, embarrassed, shameful, um, a lot of different things, a lot of different emotions came through on that uh situation, which call them reasons, call them excuses, call them whatever what you want, but I haven't recorded. And um it took me trying to give my wife some advice to kind of look at myself and put my put my own feet to the fire, you know, saying, uh what are you doing? Basically. Um I looked at what I want in life, where I'm at in life right now, and I had to ask myself, is this really something that I want to do? Is this really how I feel I should be moving forward? Um just working, not recording, you know, not giving it at your all, not doing the things that you're supposed to be doing. Uh I went through all of that. So in the midst of me giving my wife some advice about, you know, what she should do and how she should be going forward with uh some of her dreams and some of the things she wants to do, um, I found myself looking at the advice I was giving her and saying, um, why wasn't I taking my own advice? And um pretty much it came down to I was just scared. You know, scared to put myself out there, scared to uh put something out that's less than perfect, scared to fail, um, scared to be embarrassed. Uh a lot of different things, you know, and um ultimately that kept me in the position I'm in right now, which is feeling ashamed for letting letting go of the rope a little bit on my dream. You know. Um no one said it's gonna be easy. No one said it's gonna be uh smooth sailing um you know, and no one no one said that uh things were gonna be handed to me. So I had to come to that realization and you know, put put my money where my mouth where my mouth is, so to speak, and actually put my words that I was giving my wife into practice so that I wasn't a hypocrite, you know, telling her that the the thing that actually got through to me was me saying your dreams only die if you let them, you know, and here I am giving that advice while letting my dreams slowly die. So I didn't want to do that, you know? So here I am recording a podcast that I've been very afraid to record because I don't know how it's gonna be received. And honestly, that's not the point of what I'm doing. The point of what I'm doing is to help people and to um provide perspective and and all those things, and uh, you know, maybe hopefully people get something out of this that can help going forward. You know, um other things that contributed to me not recording is the state of our political system in the United States. I know I have some listeners that are not from the United States, but uh here in the United States it has been very difficult for me to find meaning in doing things like this because of the state of our uh political situation here in the United States. Um there have been points where I felt hopeless because of that. There have been points where I've broken down because of the things that have happened, um, whether it's the racial tension, whether it's the um, you know humanitarian things that are happening. Um, you know, and that's not to mention, you know, some of the stuff that's going on abroad with the the wars going on um and all that kind of stuff. I just really uh also felt those things deeply. Um, you know, uh my friend just had a baby, and so, you know, that was kind of emotional for me because, you know, I was thinking about the world that he's bringing his son into, and that affected me. Um, you know, there's a lot of things that are going on with my family having to do with political, political things that have been very difficult to deal with. Uh, you know, there's a lot of racial tension, there's um just uh a lot of outside factors that have also made this kind of situation feel at times very hopeless, very pointless uh to continue doing when there's other other things going on in the world that I could be uh focused on. But you know, um, I also came to the realization that it doesn't have to be one or the other, and that I can actually do both. Um, but again, it has been very difficult dealing with those kinds of things. Um I've been protesting, you know, I've been very active on my social media in terms of um reposting uh content that I feel can help people, that kind of help people be more aware of what's going on here in the states. Um and just trying to be someone that is there for people to, you know, uh bounce ideas off of, to look at in terms of um someone to be informed and someone to be informative to people, uh, someone that can provide a different opinion at times. Um, but I won't lie, it is very exhausting having to exist in this uh political climate in the United States, being an African-American man. Um we have a lot of other things that come through uh with this stuff, which in terms of racial tension and you know, there's the whole, you know, things going on with misogyny and the patriarchy and all these kinds of things that um I feel, you know, I feel intensely, and like I said, it is very hard for me to sit in front of a microphone and to believe that this stuff actually matters in the grand scheme of things, and I was fighting that for a while, and now I still feel at some certain points that it is pointless, but I also feel that it is important for me to provide a place where people can go to uh escape from those kinds of things as well as get informed. So um, those are just some of the reasons why the podcast has been on a ridiculously long hiatus, and uh again, I want to say I apologize to anyone who's been waiting for an episode and it just uh hasn't come. Um I am deeply, deeply sorry for that. Um, and I'm hoping that going forward, I can be more consistent, I can be just better going forward for for anyone who's listening. Uh now with that being said, we're gonna talk about uh some of the content that's gonna be happening going forward. It will be more political. It will be more political, and I'm gonna say that now. Um, we are gonna be talking about anime and comics and pop culture, things of that nature, anything in the nerd space. Uh, but at times it will relate back to the state of our world in real time. So I want y'all to know that going forward, that some of those messages will be a part of this podcast. Uh, because I don't feel genuine just talking about anime and comics in the normal way without relating it to some of the things that are happening in the real world. Uh this episode is just gonna be a lot of me just getting this stuff kind of out. Um, the next episode will be kind of recapping what I've been watching over the summer and you know, ever since the last podcast, kind of things I've been watching, reading, things of that nature. So the next episode is gonna be a lot more robust. But um, I did just want to get on here and say that NerdVibes is my baby, it will continue to be my baby, and I will continue to grow it and nurture it the way it needs to be instead of uh treating it with disregard, neglect, and little care, uh, you know, for because it is my dream, and I do want these things to happen for me going forward, and it's a long road ahead. You know, everybody has a podcast these days, and you know, it's hard to cut through, but I have a new sense of determination, and with that new sense of determination, I hope that we can continue to grow this, and I can actually achieve those dreams of being able to talk to people and people being able to listen. You know, it's not about fame, it's not about money, it's not about any of that. For me, it's about creating a space where people can feel safe, where people can enjoy their favorite shows and anime and things like that, and they can talk and listen and have people that are of like mind um just have a place, a place and a space to be. So I hope you guys accept my apology. I hope you guys enjoy this episode and like, comment, subscribe, all that kind of stuff, and uh, we're gonna be full steam ahead going forward. So thank you guys. I appreciate it. I love you, and um, yeah, that's Nerd Vibes. We'll see you guys next episode. Peace.